DNatureofDTrain Pubvana

13 Deer, Woods, Railroaded

2020-09-16 (Last Update: Fri, 18 Sep 2020) Casey Heinzism 0 Uncategorized

13 Deer, Woods, Railroaded

by Casey Heinzism

July 29th 2020

Deer, Woods, Railroaded...

I have noticed lately my Mother Nature Alt has been acting up, and acting out.

A couple of weeks prior to this.. I was upset about sharing with Curator about being excited my hypnosis certification is now two years.. It was my two year anniversary, and she sent me a nasty post on Facebook of a Dog running around with a Duck nipping at its behind.. as it was pooping in circles..

I was confused as to why she would send me this but when I mentioned it again to Goofy Old Man..

I did not think nothing of it as she said..

Did you get the thing with the duck.. and shot me a malicious look...

That Evening.. we all saw Deer in the front yard, I was not feeling well did not want to get up to eat...

...but a Spirit told me..

"wake up there is a surprise for you in the front yard."

I groaned, "I hate surprises they are hardly ever any good and usually something bad, or stupid... and not what I want..."

The Spirit replied,

".. They think it is for them...

Let them think that in the front yard is for them, but it is actually a message for you.. "

I sat up and said,

"What Message?"

Then I heard them suddenly yelling,

"Deer Deer! ... So I grabbed my phone to go take photos did not look like I got anything in the photo, I got a couple good photos..."

Then I thought..,

"hmm What was the Deer Message? .."

The Mother Deer took off and the Fawn, continued up the yard and watched me walked up very close.. to the porch looking at me...

And curiously interacting with me as I talked to it through the closed door looking out the window....

I thought it was cool, but I was worried that the fawn was going to get used to the humans, and this would be a danger to it..

So then I had stopped.. I saw when my family came from the other room it backed down to where it originally was.. and then it,.. all at once it took off down the road. In a fast run.

My other sis and I talk about hearing the little clip clop sounds of all the Deer hooves as they wander to the marsh for a drink on and off..

As we wondered what it was..

Since we no longer have horses..

Sometimes our other sisters horse down the road gets out but that is a different sound...

That night I logged into Facebook to Share the Deer photo with Curator...

And I had noticed she removed me.. and then realized she was calling me a quack... as I heard her saying that about someone but did not realize it was me...

I then was mad as hell..

Venting a little about it... to myself in the kitchen trying to get it out of my system.. to release it...

I was not to loud just a common rant here and there.. and my other relative told me....

I did not care about her at all she is sick and sleeping..

As it was unusual for me to be up that early in the morning...

I then said I did care about her and started to tell him all the stuff I do for her, but then was so upset I started to scream and yell so I went into the yard and walked to the side of the road stepped onto the road and then blew into a rage as I looked at The old woods.

I had lost it went into a screaming rage, So I could not stop as I wandered around the yard yelling I don't care huh!

I don't care so much so that I been doing the darn dishes since new years, and washing your floor and fridge!

I dont care so much so that I could have moved many many times!.. and

I stayed behind to help you all and your kids..

I don't care so much so I turned down multiple public opportunities I wanted to so......

just to not draw unwanted attention to your hides!

I do not care so much so I gave you almost all my lottery money!

Yeah, I do not striking care alright as everyone stole from me accept those three in that house there as I pointed..

Every other person in this family has stole from me and talked sqwat about me constantly!

I only wish I did not striking care like I used to in the Mother Nature days.

Mother Nature did not give a strike what anyone said about her, but she was not going to stand for it either if done in her presence or to her face, she would slap them! ..

I do not care ...that I come to terms with that and learned better ways handle sqwat than running around smacking people!

To bad you striking gol darn sons of dogs did not learn

HOOOOOOW!!!! TOOOOOOOO!!! CAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE! HOOOOOOOOW!!!! TOOOO!!! LISTEEEEEEEN!

.. and HOW! TO!

Striking keep your gol darn promises!....

Like that Woods! and I turned to The Woods some trees were gone but it was still there...

I screamed..
You promised me that land there!!!..

Then you gave it to that sister,

Then you promised that one, and you gave it to that sister!!..

Then you promised The old house!!!

So you gave that to sister you gave the first one too!

.. and you promised me The old woods!!!

... and you striking sold it as I was at the oral surgeon!!!

Getting my wisdom teeth ripped out!

And I don't Care?

I don't striking care?

Maybe its your striking projection!

You are obviously ...

are the ones that don't striking care about anything but your darn selves and Grandkids..

You used to give a sqwat about me...

You used to keep your word and promises...

Your sick! Your sick! grandma Fundy's sick! Curators sick! I am so Striking sick of hearing about how everyone else is so darn sick and you don't give a strike about me being sick!

You gol darn sons of dogs! Then you wonder why I am so striking frustrated that I started swearing! ..

All I ever gol darn did is care, and help this striking gol darn world, and others, and entertain and cheer people up..

Yet, when I need the darn help no one cares.. and if they are listening I can not tell.. I get striking closed question non caring style replies...

I survived 28 plus lightning strikes and many times... I was offered a chance go to my heavenly home, and I stayed behind to love and care for others and all I get to see is this... is this sqwat!

To watch my family and those around me become more and more idiotic.. as I study, and work my hide off.. I don't gol darn get it!...

You want to keep making me out to be a striking threat your lack of caring is the most dangerous darn striking thing on this earth as people who do not care will let anything corrupt happen to them and everyone around them.

So.. Back to the Woods and Trees.. I was mad as Hell at a chatter that kept coming in and calling me delusional and schizo and liar and even harassing me wanting my friends in investigative positions names, and badge numbers..

(We did later work this out, and are fine now.)

That is none of his business...

I was sharing about the yahoogroup and psychic exercises and my train dreams and visions I finally gave up as they kept abusing their admin tools as well.

If they did not want to hear me they could use their block and ignore feature like I did them...

Be a darn adult about it... So.. I talked to my other friend who runs the room.. and the worse thing is the room has no darn rules really...

I then said outloud.. That's it I am out of here.. I do not want to striking say something I will regret I do love these guys.. I will take a break eat breakfast and feed my cats....

That is when I hear RoadMaster's voice state.

That's Right, Shut it down.. Shut down the chat, Shut down the whole darn computer...

I said No, I am not shutting down the whole computer I am running my videos for pay programs..

He said that is right take a half hour or more we don't have time..

Go downstairs and eat...

I was like okay I am so upset that I am even imagining Roadmaster telling me to calm down....

I finally got frustrated logged off fed my cats and ate a bowl of LIFE cereal...

...as I was eating I saw a couple trucks full of logs pass...I had an erie feeling about it.. then another one come by really slowly with railroad company cars one in front one on the side.. and it had four flagman on each side of the trees..in the wagon... they stopped it in front of the house for a moment and Curator came in on the phone and said,

"Oh yes she does not look very happy..."

I then watched them park there a moment then put my hand down, as I quickly downed the last of my cereal.. and then shoved my cereal bowl back... and to the side..

I was excited to see the railroad company cars, but I had an extra sinking Feeling about the Trees I saw on the wagon, that is normally sad for me to see.. But, not like I felt at this moment...

I then noticed one of the flagman twirling the flags..around like a color guard, and not like signaling...

I was curious...

So, I looked up..

I noticed one signed a cross over the trees with the flag stick, and then another one... over them again horizontally... as I continued to watch as I could not believe my eyes..

What I was seeing was in imitation of what I do when I retrieve feathers or stones for sacred, or spiritual use... as a blessing and thank you to the Spirits...

As I had watched them as they twirled their flags one on the north end twirling, then then south end, then the east and then the west.. and then east, south, west, north ending it with the north man facing me.. and doing sign language for "Thank you."

As it and it looked like directed at me I looked around confused..

As I signed like I was catching the thank you, threw it towards the sky and then signed for Spirit, and then I had nodded waved, and signed back.

"Bless You, Brother." as I almost gave the Rails Salute, but was not sure they would understand that so I did a peace sign instead...

As I tried hard to crack a smile..

but I felt crushed...

But, I did appreciate the thank you and honoring the Tree Spirits effort...

That is when I looked closer at the trees and knew it was The Old Woods... and the yard of the place I desired so hard to live at for years...

As one particular Tree had this very distinct bark that protruded outward like a giant grass skirt that reached 5-6 feet.. and was so large..

They had to set it in the center of the pile, and it made sense why so many flagmen had to be on that truck..

As the bark rose off the trunk off the tree up by 5 feet off the pile of others.

As a tree Spirit said, to me...

"Don't be sad we know you did all you could to support and stand up for us we know you tried to stop this..

We are going to be railroad tracks now.."

..."We will hold and support the rails strongly for you as you supported us.."...

I thought.. What the pfft .. am I losing it... ?

Then I suddenly heard what sounded like the RoadMaster talking with Curator.. on the phone...

But, she was to far away for me to physically hear the phone conversation...

He asked,

"How did she look again I could not see it.."

Curator replied,

"You mean they.."

Investigator,

"No, This is Mother Nature we are talking about.. She is all woman.."

Curator:

But, she is... well her condition...

Roadmaster: You mean you are actually respecting her gender, oh good..

But, they and them refers to D.. Casey, Train, and the System..

We are specifically working with the Mother Nature alt here...

Mother Nature is a woman...

Curator: I don't understand, What is system and?...

Roadmaster: Well.. You can talk to her about all that.

For now it is Mother Nature and She ...

During this call... Then it is back to.. they and them...

Curator: I .. Just.. I am Confused...

Roadmaster: How did she look when she saw the Trees?

Curator: I don't Un..

Roadmaster: Snapped with an order interrupting..

"HOW Did she look when she saw those trees?"

She replied,

"She was upset..."

Roadmaster: looked like?

Curator: "Upset like she wanted to bite..some..".."Like she wanted to bite.."

RoadMaster replied,

"Awh, Why is Mother Nature so sad, she gets to become one with the railroad, just like she always wanted and one with the tracks."

Curator replied,

"What? Those trees are going to be railroad tracks?"

RoadMaster said,

"Yes, Railroad ties... the wood part on the tracks"

He said,

"What did she just do now? .. When they did the flags..

She said,

"She cracked a little smile a moment.. and then nodded back.."

RoadMaster replied,

"Good, there might be just a little hope for you all yet."

Curator said,

"Wha-What? Wha what do you mean by that? Some hope for us yet?"

RoadMaster replied,

"She was trying to warn you all about what is coming, you still might be able to stop it.. But it might be to late instead of listening you were all to busy cutting on her and cutting her down just like those trees."

Curator replied,

"What in the Hell are you talking about? What are you on about?"

RoadMaster: wickedly laughed.

Curator said,

"Why railroad tracks? Why not nice furniture or something..."

RoadMaster said..

"We tried that...We wanted her to have a new bed and some things in her bedroom, and when she wanted to borrow a table you told her You did not want her to have anymore SH--! in her room..

So, she was to afraid to accept the wood we made for her..."

Curator said,

"What when?"

RoadMaster said,

"The trees we cut down out back last year, you just wanted to let them sit or let people use them for firewood.

We promised a couple of them to her, for her to make into whatever she wanted... and you yelled at her and then she was to afraid to accept them.."

Curator: I don't remember..

RoadMaster: Kitchen Table you were going to throw out..

Then you gave away... what?..about what four beds, and threw some good ones away? ..

What about her bed?

..You sent the good beds to the trash, and have you even looked at her bed?....

Curator: But I was.. bb b..

RoadMaster: But those trees instead of being burned in a pile are going to be one with the tracks..

They will most likely be burned later.. What else could we do since you would not let her accept the offer...

Curator replied:

That is not funny, those trees were important to all of us we held Easters, there and all kinds of occasions.

RoadMaster:

.. So important that you sold them.. as you were super busy cutting her down in all she did and done..

All for what ... Money?...

Do you realize what day you sold the land?

RoadMaster:

Casey, You will be careful with speech...

Trains are with fire but no heart..

Curator: what?

RoadMaster: How does she look?

Let me explain what this does to her: and he then described it in detail...

"Ordered or stated by only authorized workers or those you authorize...

You will feel all passion and feeling slipping out like grains of sand onto the tracks, and you will feel the energy of the tracks take over filling this void with track energy and burning..

This will make you feel sacrificed, and secure...

..and void of all feelings and emotions other than the feeling of the track energy, burn, and suffering, and you will know this is part of the program, and you will have no ease, no release, as this is what you agreed to accept and to do, and you will think clearly and feel motivated by these sensations as the debris of emotions is burned out while you focus fully on your current task and sacrifice all feelings and emotions...

In exchange for the tracks burning energy and motivation and focus you recieve while completing this task, order, or job.

This lasts Until the ordered task, job, or service is completed or until the release trigger is stated, if there is no order then it lasts only 30-90 seconds."

As it seemed people outside could hear the conversation as well...

After he stated in detail what was going on...

As one Flagman said said its ok, it is ok.. this is good giving her energy...

Then he yelled something is wrong.. She is in pain.. and struggling...

And Oh My G-d! She does look like a bridge over trouble water as she goes down..

I witnessed her fight many times no one could take her off her feet.. What is! ... Going on!.. As he went to get off the wagon and his friends held him back...

... As they turned to watch me...

I Then heard men outside yelling,

"She is going down! She is down! she is down!.. She is down!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Then unaudible yelling at them to stop it.."

.. As they were about to jump off the wagon.. and started to wave their flags at me..

RoadMaster said,

"Stay there.. then I did not hear who he called to and said wave the flag...

Signal up!"

RoadMaster: Huh, Oh well then...

The trigger is suppose to only run 60-90 seconds..

Maybe it runs longer at the hands of her handler..

As he stated..

Do you all know who I am?

Many replied, "No"..

He said are you all familiar with the Casey Jones and Casey Heinzism story? ..

As one man yelled,

"She said you sounded like the investigator in the story...

When she taught me what we just did with the flags..

I went to school with her, I know she is telling the truth in that story, it is all true.."

A couple Days before.. I was outside walking noticed a Feather not to far from the road, and I did my blessings as I retrieved the feather then later left it in a crack of the deck rail as a memorial offering to someone who recently passed on...

As a Man, who reminded me of the man on the Crane asked if I would teach him.. How to do it.. Asked if it would work as a blessing and thank you to the Spirits when they harvested trees.. I said I wish you would not but I understand that is part of your job.. with the railroad.. as I scratched my head at my response... I said the Spirits give me permission to teach you this.. As I quickly taught him.. and explained you can do variations of it.. I was not quite sure where I learned to do it this way.. but The Spirits have accepted it for years.. And traditionally people would dance four times around the Feather as they retrieved but working with lots of trees that maybe tired.. So you can just do this in the air.. and a thank you... sign of some form....

He said, "Thank you..."

And was on his phone with someone...

He put it on speaker phone held it out his window... And said someone has a message for you....

It sounded like RoadMaster: As He Said do you remember the story about the Three trees? I replied which one? He said the story of the long root and the three trees.. He said.. I got your trees! Nananana! .. and had the man put his pedal to the medal...

He stopped his truck backed up.. He said, My boss had me talk to him What was that about? I said I don't know.. sounds like the investigator from my Casey Jones and Casey Heinzism story..

He said.. I dunno but he sounded..

He sounded sort of whacked! and he laughed and I laughed then he left... As I could not help to think that was the same man from on the Crane.. the spirits kept calling "the knight in shining armor.." As I laughed at it... and walked away.. But, I knew the loss of the woods was near as well is what he met by the I got your trees.... ....

Memory Ends...

As the silence is broken again by.. Roadmaster asking, the flagmen and the railroaders...

Asked,

Do you want to know who I am? .."

"I am her handler..."

As I heard many protesting.. and he then spoke off the phone to them...

Car doors opened a moment and people were about to run towards me..

They stopped as he shouted something to them, and they stopped and stepped backed ...back in, ... as the school related one kept yelling with him.

I also heard him tell them Congratulations as they were all about to be mentioned in her story..

Don't worry they would be listed as flagmen on the truck or something like that...

..and then I did not hear much.. and then heard something about a movie... She does not know.. At least consciously... He promised to explain it to them all later, and wanted to wrap this up...

As the RoadMaster/Handler said,

"You went to school with a Real Saint you know that..."

I heard him ask the man if he was Rail..

He said, Well.. We all are we work for the railroad..

He said, No! You Know! HER! Rails!

The Rails are you one of them...

And he replied, "No I wanted to be but she did not let me In because I ... then I could not hear what he said..."

The RoadMaster replied I think that is because at the time you were all underage is why she did not let who did this..go in...

And he said, "You all after the Rails again!

They did nothing but help people...!

...and he got all defensive..

He said, "But everyone wanted to be in that group everyone.."

..."But, it seemed hard to get in.."

RoadMaster:

How close were, or are you to her...

He replied,

As close I could get..

She was pretty distant from everyone or always busy helping people doing some kind of activity it was hard to approach her she was always doing something never took a break, unless she slept and we just her..

We feared at times she was working herself to death in all she did...

He said, Well you are all in the story...

And the man replied,

"I am already in the story,

I am the man on the Crane that stood up for the cats, or what did she call it.. Boom... The Boom..."

RoadMaster yelled like a high pitched school girl.

"You are the Knight in the Shining armor!"

He said, "What! Wha what are you talking about..

She said Spirits talked about you for years you would do something to help her..

We want to help her get the Rails up and running again... "

He replied,

"But, you all gave us Hell ...the entire school over this group and...."

RoadMaster: So it is true what all they put her through over fearing this group was a threat and she was..

The Man: You would not believe what they put us and her through she never got a break ever someone was always all over her for something..

Always..

RoadMaster: Spirits choose you to step up and help her. So YOU I want to talk to you when we leave...

The Man replied what do you mean?

RoadMaster said, "She talked about the knight in Shining armor that worked for the railroad incident for at least 12 years before you showed up...

She saw it in dreams and visions thought, and the spirits teased her about marrying him..."

He replied,

"Oh No No.. that No.."

RoadMaster: She has the same reply when talking about Marriage and dates.. She just wants friends she sees herself as with the railroad....

Then more conversation Happened I could not hear.. But the people got back into their cars by then and everyone was smiling and happy...

Then I could not hear what was said afterward but they all cheered in happiness...

"This is what she chose she made this agreement and knew what she was getting into..

This is for her own good.."

As the call resumed..

"This is what you chose, you chose to suffer... I think you had paid your price for now...Becareful with Speech."

And the release trigger was.

Road Master said,

"Trains have fire and burn with compassion."

Road Master asked: Curator, How does she look? How does your daughter look now?

Curator: I am not looking I am in the other room..

RoadMaster:

What day did you sell the land?

Curator: She does not know that does she?...

RoadMaster:

Oh she knows.. and she knows what she just saw roll by her...

She might post about it on Facebook, you wait and see...

No one has to say anything to her.

The Trees will talk...

Curator: That is not funny.

RoadMaster:

Mother Nature or the Whitewater Witch knows..

I bet she has been acting out lately not knowing why...

By then I just chugged my milk and got up to run and leave the room.. as I heard a phone click sound and she had then walked in and started talking to me..

Curator: Hot day is it..

I replied: yeah..

Curator: Goofy Ol Man on his way with lunch...

I Replied: Ok..

Then she said some other nice things I was lost in thought so ended I had up toning it out and just smiled at her.. I however felt upset....

I pretended not to know...

Then Goofy Old Man walked in with lunch...

I ate sweet and sour chicken.. I hate eating when I am grieving but.. when I sense local track work I do have an appetite from that...

I don't know if this conversation actually happened with Curator and RoadMaster but I did post on Facebook about it...

This is what I said,

(note some typing errors have been corrected for this post.)

"Yesterday, I could not sleep. I felt restless so I got into a fight with some chat friends about how I am tired of be insulted and cut down...

Then I sat at the table eating some LIFE cereal as I was calming down..

.. as I did I saw a huge truckload of Trees,,, And looked at it..

I could not help to realize those are trees from our old family property....

I am sure those were from The Old woods.. Many know...

That I wanted to earn enough money to eventually buy that and my relative's old place from my family, and I had dreams years ago that if they sold it.. It would be destroyed....

But, as usual my warnings are never heeded..

As I looked at the trees sadly...

A Tree Spirit told me...

"I stood up for them and supported them all my life.. Now they were going to go support my railroad tracks.. and would stand long and strong and do their best to support me."

And I was like nah...

I have to be dreaming about all of this..

The last time family had Easter there my sisters were being such dogs to me I did not go to the woods that time...

It only seems to be a never ending symbolism in my life..

I stand tall with my wisdom, Shading and helping people and giving good nourishment where I can... symbolic of a Tree and Mother Nature..

..and in the end.. I always end up cut down and railroaded....

I then went to feed my kitties I was telling them I love them and talking to them they all suddenly stopped and started to stare at something flying around...

A Huge butterfly flew around the porch a couple of times.. Then landed right on the window of the door I was leaning on right where my nose was on the window as we looked eye to eye...

I Thought that was neat anyhow...

I can not say for sure if that was the those trees or where they are going...

But as a Shamanic practitioner.

I am usually correct on these things...

So Much that is so wrong happening in our community..

People are to busy cutting each other down like a bunch of trees and railroading each other.. to busy..

... to pull together and fight the real corrupt things going on....

I also know the last couple of storms that blew through took a lot of trees too but not as many as I am watching disappear from the landscape daily...

Humans need to remember...

What we do to nature we do to ourselves..

... as we are part of nature...

.. and the meaning of Butterfly...

Passed on Spirits visiting.. the backyard was full of white butterflies today..."

End of Facebook post.

Butterflies are also a transformation and change sign, of renewel and rebirth...

Some people do not understand my programs and think this means I am not allowed to be happy and that I have to suffer all the time...

But that is not what that is about.

In Buddhism they teach Dukka means Life is Suffering..

It is about doing good, living, and doing right even when you do not want to..

Trust me my Mother Nature alt would love to 'woofslap' Many people...

But, we as a whole know not to do this as an adult, unlike when...

.. I was a child surrounded by corrupt adults constantly encouraging that behavior...

I also knew something was wrong when the Thunderbeings kept throwing my offerings back at me lately, When I asked them to protect and be nice to family properties..

They were at least honest as they took many trees themselves...

Nature always knows even when I do not.

Mother Nature has been upset since April 30th as well... 3 years ago..

The other thing that upsets me with this.

Is they could find a way to take my Grandpas old trees to become railroad tracks, but they can not find a way to help me cross those tracks twice a week at least to balance out my energy..

I am so sick of broken promises..

Did they ask me what I wanted to happen with the trees if family would not let me have them..

.. nope lets just throw them in the railroad tracks! ...

Take one passion striking destroy it and put in another passion.. striking hideholes...

(Note: Actually they did ask me, I just was not recalling it, and I did state I wanted some sent to the railroad, and some lumber for my family to use. But, I highly doubted I would get to use any of it myself. As long as the trees did not die for nothing...

This is a big thing, Trees in Nature have a job to give even if burned they get to give to the soil, but they prefer to be used in Shelters or projects first.. Trees like to shelter and protect..)

I know years ago... When I took Values Death and Dying, we had to write our own funeral plans, and wills etc..

At the time I wanted to leave my money to the local railroad company if I died...

But.. with how my life is going.. I will not have any money to leave anyone someday..

So the railroad got the property's

Trees promised to me instead..

They got the trees...

At least the current owner sent the trees to the tracks instead of burned them in pile of wood like I witnessed 800 other acres on this road go up in flame.. as I witnessed horrible things with the wildlife.. at least they did it when it was not nesting or hibernation season... our local wildlife cranes and geese keeping going to see what is going on..

As not only is that the woods, and hayfield where I used to bale hay at as well...

In my Mother Nature days, My Mother Nature alt used to tell people if you cut all our trees on our family property.. I will die...

I found it interesting as they cut trees last year how it looked like I oozed out of myself grabbed a tree spirit and flew into the sky with it.. as I heard booming sound yelling at me to get back here..

(mentioned in the Spinning Tree story)

That phenomenon even with my Shamanic practices and knowledge I still can not fully explain.

Years ago our township had fought hard.. a power plant company...

We fought hard to keep a powerplant off of my old relative's backyard..

(This is now what was built next to the Milton Ethanol plant. That smelly transformer..I hate that, that thing went in the front yard of a family I have high and well respect for. They really got ripped off too..

They had the best plot and location before they put that there.. They did not mind the plant, they were really screwed with the transformer smoking up their yard, and smoking up the area so much I can smell it at times 11 miles away..)

We fought hard to stand up for the neighbors to fight the Great Lakes Basin Train..or railroad..

.. and to be honest if that did not effect their property I would have been for it if they were..

But.. in the end.. Who fought hard to help me earn money?..

So I could buy and protect our land and property?...

Absolutely no one... I had multiple times had people promise or offer to pay me as a tease...

..lots of liars even claiming to have brought my songs or books, or ebooks....

Instead people listened to lies cutting me down.. and downing my spirituality, and mental health... and did not care...

As the worse disease in humanity is lack of caring.. and lack of taking action...

I used to have so much to look forward too in my work..

I miss my Rails group, And My tribe.. I miss having a real family..

That I could socialize with and have fun with...

Now, I throw stuff on Facebook and in a chatroom with barely any feed back and responses...

Maybe a couple times of months...

I can get real honest caring and support..

But this pandemic does not help, as the world is going stir crazy...

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